I haven't had the will to blog here ever since election night due to the travesty that occured in California -- every blog post and almost every email I have sent since last Tuesday has been about Prop. H8.

Most undocumented students expressed joy at the election of Barack Obama. When North Carolina went 'blue' and nativist Elizabeth Dole lost her re-election bid, Manuel went out into the streets to drink and dance. As the polls closed in Nevada, UCLA graduate Matias jumped into the pool fully-clothed to celebrate Obama's victory.

Here in California, I stared at the returns for Prop 8. from Los Angeles with a gut feeling that we had lost quite early on even as Barack Obama launched his 'victory speech' --  'If There Is Anyone Out There Who Still Doubts That America Is a Place Where All Things Are Possible... Tonight Is Your Answer.'

The words were empty and hollow. I had doubted that hate would win over love, ignorance and bigotry would win over knowledge and education, and yet I had my answer. America took one step forward just as California took two steps back.

Over the past week I have had emails telling me that I am a "subhuman piece of shit" -- I really cannot differentiate between nativists and homophobes at this point save for the fact that the homophobes say 'FAGGOT' a lot more than the nativists who tend to demean using the phrase 'ILLEGAL ALIEN' ... Insults from both ends are capitalized, otherizing and hateful. The two camps might as well join hands and share tactics.

I felt torn as to how and where I should devote my energies at this time but I knew these DREAMs could wait considering the urgency of the situation and the number of completely homophobic DREAMies I have come across. Someone give me a good reason as to why I should care if those who want to infringe on my constitutional rights are deported from this country? 

For me, there is no dichotomy between the battle for LGBT rights or immigrant rights; it is not just a 'gay issue' or 'immigration issue; it is a human rights issue and as an undocumented queer student, I am caught in the middle of two ensuing culture wars: the battle for gay rights and immigrant rights, neither of which is seen as a civil and human rights struggle by the mainstream.

The Catholic Church, on one hand, stands up strong for the rights of undocumented workers. On the same page, it denounces civil rights for gay couples. Are some human rights more important than others? I didn't get a memo.

I'll trudge on in the meantime as a marginalized Other in both the immigrant rights and LGBT rights movement. At this point, it dawns on me that whether I stay in this country or get deported, my status as an 'Other' in society won't disappear anytime soon.

When I look back, I see how far America has come as a country and I feel optimistic. As I look ahead, I still see the horizon as distant as ever and I know I have to keep swimming against the tide.